Learning To Be A Leader

How did you learn to lead? Was it a bad boss? Or a graduate program?

I love asking this question in workshops or coaching conversations. The answers are never the same, and they reveal so much about a workplace’s culture, team dynamics, and how relationships work behind the scenes.

Some people talk about a life-changing course or mentor. Others were thrown in the deep end or learned what NOT to do from a negative experience.  

Many of us had no formal training but moved up in organizations through our subject matter expertise and experience.

Here are some of the most common answers I hear:

  • Formal education – A Master of Leadership, an MBA, or a certificate program. Helpful for tools and frameworks, but not the only way to learn.

  • Mentorship – Formal or informal, often through work, volunteering, or community. Sometimes it’s the person who spots your potential before you do.

  • The “bad boss” effect – Painful at the time but clarifying in hindsight. A terrible manager can teach you what not to do more vividly than any textbook.

  • Coaching – My personal favourite to provide (and to receive). Coaching creates space to reflect, challenge assumptions, and build skills in real time. It’s not always accessible, but when it is, the impact can be powerful.

  • In-house professional development – Larger organizations often have learning budgets and sometimes dedicated staff to build or source programs.

  • Team training – One of my top picks, both to participate in and to deliver. It’s cost-effective, builds a shared language, and helps the whole team move forward together.

And of course, these aren’t the only ways people learn. Our ideas about what makes a good leader are influenced by our cultural lenses, history, and personal experiences.

In much of North America and Western Europe, leadership has been shaped by industrialization, capitalism, and individualism. These models often emphasize:

  • Hierarchy & positional authority – clear chains of command and formal titles.

  • Performance & efficiency – results and productivity over process.

  • The “hero” leader – visionary individuals rather than collective wisdom.

These approaches can fuel growth, but they also risk overlooking the relational, long-term, and community-oriented aspects of leadership.

In many parts of the world, leadership carries different assumptions. For example:

  • Ubuntu philosophy – “I am because we are,” highlighting interdependence and mutual care.

  • Pacific Islander traditions – leadership rooted in service, kinship ties, and stewardship for future generations.

  • Confucian-influenced approaches – valuing harmony, respect for elders, and moral responsibility.

Here, leadership is often less about personal authority and more about the well-being of the whole.

Decolonial leadership invites us to question and dismantle models imposed through colonization: systems that concentrate power, extract resources, and disregard community autonomy.

Many Indigenous leadership traditions (while diverse and specific to each Nation) share some common threads:

  • Relational authority – trust and respect earned through service to the community.

  • Consensus decision-making – dialogue and collective agreement.

  • Intergenerational thinking – decisions made with future generations in mind.

  • Reciprocity & stewardship – caretaking of people, land, water, and knowledge.

Honouring these approaches requires more than borrowing ideas. It means shifting underlying power structures, centring Indigenous voices, and acknowledging both historical and ongoing colonial harm.

In my experience, the best leaders draw from a blend: formal learning, lived experience, mentorship, trial and error, and cultural traditions that shape how they show up.

Leadership is rarely learned in one place. It’s stitched together by the people who influenced us, the mistakes we made, the successes we celebrated, and the communities we belong to.

How did you learn to lead? And how are you continuing to grow?

Want support that goes beyond the surface level? Book a call and let’s chat.

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